Hope For the Future
by Ka'nire
Summary: Martouf is gone but Carter finds happiness in the smallest of things. (please R&R)


TITLE: Hope For The Future  
AUTHOR: Steph   
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.   
CATEGORY: angst, some shipper   
PAIRING: Martouf/Sam, slight Jack/Sam (more platonic)  
SPOILERS: cannon up to Divide and Conquer, any episodes dealing with the Tok'ra, Harcesis, or Martouf  
SEQUEL INFO: Part one of two   
RATING: PG-13  
SUMMARY: Martouf is gone but Carter finds happiness in the smallest of things. (please R&R)

THANKS: Thanks to all my beta reads…..not sure who did this one anymore. ;) but if you did thanks...oh yeah.. please R & R

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. …..Basically I don't own them, though I wish I did :D.

"_Samantha!_" The voice was clear as day. Slowly she squeezed the trigger of the Zat gun ending the life of the one she loves. His body fell, limp as she ran to catch him. Cradling his head in her arms she rocked back and forth ever so slightly, emotion's surging through her body.

"_Samantha._" Looking into his eyes. He knew there was no way to save him. He pleaded for her to end his life. All she had to do was pull the trigger. 

"_Samantha.....Samantha....Sama._." 

She bolted straight up gasping, drenched in sweat. Her heart was racing and her breathing was erratic. After a few moments she clamed down. Starring around the room she hardly recognized where she was. Looking at the clock, it was only 2:15. Damn, it has been over a month since that horrible day. Why did she have to kill him? He could have been saved. Had she only realized it sooner, something could have been done to save him. 

Samantha Carter got out of bed. Slowly she walked out of her room and headed for the kitchen. Not knowing what to do she walked to the fridge, pulled out the milk carton and started to drink. "Oh boy," she said out loud. "Why do I keep having these dreams?" 

In the days after the incident, Sam had been in a sort of trance. She didn't talk much and spent all of her free time in her lab. It got to the point that she wasn't sleeping or eating. Finally Janet ordered her to take it easy. She was told not to come back to work for a week. Well, that didn't help any, all Sam did when she went home was cry. On about the third or fourth day Sam got a knock at the door. She was surprised to see her father standing there. 

"Can I come in?" Jacob asked holding his arms out.

"Oh Dad." Sam rushed into her father's arms. "Why did things have to turn out like this?" She started sobbing right there in her father's secure arms.

"Shhh, its OK sweetie. Everything will be OK."

Sam and Jacob had spent the next few days together only slightly interrupted by Jack and Daniel who where equally worried about her, but for the most part, kept their distance. 

Later that week Sam returned to work. She seemed better for the most part but everyone did his or her best not to bring up that day that plagued her mind.

Looking at the empty milk carton Sam began to wonder why she was having these dreams again. She hadn't had one since her father went back to Vorash. Looking around the dimly lit room her mind raced. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything when suddenly she became light headed. She closed her eyes and counted to 10. Slowly opening them again she felt a little more steady on her feet. She walked back to her bedroom and laid down on her bed. I need to get some sleep, she thought to herself. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. Drifting off back to sleep her mind began to wander, but this time it was different.

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Sam walked down the hall on level 21. She felt like talking to someone. She needed to talk to someone. The dreams had faded. Why were they re-occurring? She followed the same green stripe that she had followed countless times before. She turned the corner and walked into the infirmary. Looking around the room she saw Major Kestler laying on one of the beds. 

Sam looked around the room and her eye's flowed to the little room near the entrance that was Janet's office. Janet was engrossed in paperwork related to Major Kestler's recent injuries off world. Sensing someone watching her, Janet looked up and a slight smile crossed her face. It immediately faded as she saw the concern on her friend's face.

"Janet," Sam looked at Janet, fighting back tears that were building in the corner of her eyes. Her arms crossed over her chest as if she was trying to hold herself together.

"Sam, what's the matter?" Janet got up out of her chair and moved over to Sam. 

"Oh Janet," Sam sighed. "I had another dream again last night." Janet shifted her weight from one foot to the other and waited for Sam to continue. "I dreamt that I killed him again Janet." Janet knew whom she was talking about without the name ever being spoken. "This wasn't like the others I've had in the past. It felt different, real."

Janet moved closer to Sam. She placed her hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam what do you mean?"

"It feels like I am actually there, pulling the trigger."  


"Sam I know dreams can be very lifelike but it happened over a month ago."

"I know Janet, but it seems like someone is trying to make me…" before Sam could finish her sentence she her eyes glossed over and she collapsed into Janet's arms. 

Janet immediately grabbed her and pulled her into the main room of the infirmary. She started barking orders to the medical staff in the room and ordered an airman who was there for a check-up to call General Hammond. Sam was moving in and out of consciousness, finally blacking out completely.

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"Sam, Sam, Sam are you back with us?" Janet was standing there hovering over Sam.

"Wha. What happened?"

"Well, you blacked out on me. You were talking about your dreams then collapsed in my office." Janet looked at Sam's vitals. "Well, everything seems to be normal but I want to see your blood work before I release you, OK?"

Sam nodded, closing her eyes.

"Sam do you want to talk about your dreams some more?"

"No Janet, not right now thanks."  


Janet knew better than to push the issue at that moment. She walked off to attend to her other patients. 

An hour passed when Janet walked up to Sam's bed. "Sam why didn't you tell me?"

Confused by that last statement Sam opened her eyes. "Tell you what?"

"Don't avoid the question. Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant." Janet was clearly worried by this point. If Sam was pregnant she should be under proper medical care.

That last word caught Sam by surprise. Pregnant? Why hadn't I noticed? She slowly moved her hand over her belly. "How long?"

"I was hoping you could tell me for sure but you are at least a month along." Janet moved her hand over Sam's in an effort to comfort her. "Who's the father Sam?"

She closed her eyes trying to ignore the question. Or maybe she was trying to ignore the answer. She heard the question asked again. Why? Of all the things that could happen to her, Why did it have to be this? It was one night. Sam was upset over having been identified as a Zatarc. He had come to the room she was in to present her with her options. _I have also grown quite fond of you to Sam._ Those words rang in her mind. That night he came back to her room and they spent the entire night together… 

"Sam, who is the father?"

Sam snapped out of her trance. Slowly, in a barely audible whisper. "Martouf." Her eyes where red, she was crying freely now, unable to keep the strong soldier face up any longer. "He came to visit me the night before that terrible day." 

Janet moved closer towards Sam putting a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her. "Shhh. It's ok. Everything will be alright."

After a while Sam seemed to calm down. Janet looked her in the eyes. "You know we need to tell General Hammond."

Sam just nodded. "I think I need to be alone right now. Can we tell him later this afternoon?"  


"Yes, I think you need to get some rest and your composure back before we go talk to him."

"Thanks Janet."

With that Sam laid back and closed her eyes this time dreaming about her, their, baby.

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__

"I knew it was you." His voice was calm, almost to calm.

"You shouldn't have done it Martouf." Her voice was full of despair. 

"_I could not watch him kill you Samantha_." A deep surge of concern could be seen on his face. She could tell he cared for her.

"You lied," looking at his face; Sam could see the love and caring in his eyes. There in "Hell" she wanted to freeze that moment. Burn his face, his caring into her mind. She knew that the blending with Jolinar was affecting her feelings for him but right now she didn't care. Deep down she was attracted to him. Even if Jolinar accentuated Sam's feelings for him, Sam knew she would still have fallen for him.

"Entak is a primitive planet there are no Tok'ra there." 

Sam looked at him. He was exhausted. They all were. Sam looked down at her father. Selmak was very weak. They wouldn't survive. Not down here at least. Sam pulled her father closer to her never wanting to let go. "_How is he doing?_" The words seemed so distant, as if it were an echo in her head that was shouted from a mile away. She knew how he was he was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing they, or she could do about it. 

"How's she doing?" the voice was much clearer now. Sam slowly opened her eye's looking in the direction of the voice. She saw General Hammond standing there, talking with Dr. Fraiser. "She will be fine. I want to keep her here over night. She is having dreams again, the ones that involve the incident with Martouf. She came to talk to me about them earlier and collapsed in my office."

Hammond nodded in acknowledgement. He noticed that she had woken and moved over to her bedside. "Why didn't you report these dreams to Dr. Fraiser when they first started re-occurring?"

"Sir, I only started having them again last night." She was disturbed and Hammond sensed it. Sam played the conversation in her mind trying to decide how she wanted to tell him. Finally before she realized what she was doing. "Sir. The reason I passed out is because, I pregnant."

General Hammond and Janet stood there in shock. Janet had not expected Sam to be so forthcoming. She had expected Sam to beat around the bush until the right words came out. General Hammond's expression of shock soon turned into a smile. He felt almost like a second father to Sam. Shoot he even had a part in reuniting the girl with her father so how could he be anything but happy for her? But the part of him that was her Commanding Officer immediately took control. "How far along are you? Who's the father? When did this happen?" The only things that could come out of his mouth where questions. 

"Sir, don't worry. The father isn't anyone on the base. Sir, Martouf is the father." She couldn't think of what else to tell him. Her eyes were red now and tears started streaming down her cheeks. What could she tell him?

General Hammond couldn't believe what he was hearing. One of his best officers was pregnant. Not to mention, the father was someone who was killed not too long ago and by the hand of none other than the mother. Oh boy. What a mess this is turning out to be, he thought to himself. "Sam, everything will be alright. Just take it easy. We can talk more about this later. However I am putting you on limited field duty until you have the baby. We will work out the details with Dr. Fraiser later." Part of him wanted to protect her in Jacob's absence. He knew that she would object and before he could add to his last statement.

"But sir."

"No buts Major. I am assigning you to Lab duty. However after a full examination if Dr. Fraiser feels you are fit enough to go, I may authorize trips to help out the Tok'ra or for you to accompany SG-1 on survey missions." He added that last part with an eye shot at Dr. Fraiser telling her to be extra cautious concerning Sam going on off world missions. "Now if you will excuse me I have some paperwork that must be completed. Sam do you feel up to a briefing at 1300 hours? We need to inform the rest of your team about this development."

"Yes sir" She said quietly. She didn't mind telling Daniel and Teal'c, Jack on the other hand, was going to be a bit of a problem. One that she wasn't looking forward to facing.

General Hammond nodded and just as he was about to leave the room turned back towards her. "Oh by the way Major." Sam looked up. "Congratulations." He said with a smile and walked out.

Sam laid back on the pillows trying to prepare for what she was going to say to the others.

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Sam slowly walked into the briefing room, looking around she noticed that Daniel and Teal'c were already there. She slipped in quietly and took a seat closest to the door. Daniel was looking at some papers that probably had to do with a recent mission. She sat in silence trying to gather her thought about what she wanted to say. How would they react? The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt her friends. 

Jack walked in with a slight bounce to his step and took a seat. Clearly he was in a good mood, unfortunately that would change very quickly. "Hello campers." He said with a smile. "How are we all this morning?" Everyone gave quick responses and then turned back to what they were working on. 

Sam thoughts drifted back to her baby. She began wondering what the baby would be like. Who would it look like? Act like?

Stirring her out of her daze, General Hammond and Dr. Fraiser walked into the room. She assumed that they were talking about her, because there would be no other reason for Janet to be at this mission briefing. Sam and Jack began to stand up and General Hammond raised a hand "At ease" he said.

"So General, what mineral survey or rock recovery mission do you have for us today?" Jack said that last part looking directly at Daniel and counting in his head. 

"They're…" Daniel trailed off realizing that was exactly the type of reaction Jack was trying to get from him. Daniel just smiled at his friend. Had it been anyone else he would have been angry but not at Jack, after everything they had been through together. They were, after all, best friends.

General Hammond smiled at this mutually respectful banter between them, then continued, "Sorry Jack. That's not the reason I called this briefing." He paused. Looking over at Major Carter he knew how hard this had to be for her. Her elbows were on the table and she rubbed her face with her hand. The air in the room suddenly became tense. Everyone could feel it. He sighed and continued. "I am assigning Major Kestler to SG-1 for the next few months. Major Carter is being restricted to on-world duties and safe off-world duties until she has her baby. However, after she reaches seven months I am restricting her to base and lab duty only. Is that understood." He looked around the room ensuring that everyone in the room gave nods of understanding.

The temperature in the room suddenly felt like it had dropped below freezing. Everyone's eyes flowed to Sam who at that moment wished she could make herself invisible. It was a long moment before anyone spoke again. Finally when someone did it was the last person she would have expected.

"Congratulations Carter. I am sure you and the father will be very happy together." Jack said looking at her. He smiled then looked back towards General Hammond. "Sir, may I ask how long she will be off the team?" Jack didn't want to think about it anymore. He loved her. And now she was pregnant with some other guy's kid. Who is the father he wanted to ask? A million questions ran through his mind all of which he wanted answered, none of which could be answered here.

General Hammond looked at his second in command; "Major Carter will predominantly be assigned lab duty for approximately the next 10 months. I have already consulted with Dr. Fraiser and as I stated earlier depending on the type of mission I will allow her to accompany SG-1 on survey and exploratory missions off-world as well as visiting current allies and working with them off-world." Pausing, he looked at Carter before beginning again, "However if Dr. Fraiser or any member of SG-1 feels a mission is too dangerous for Major Carter or the baby she will not be authorized to accompany you off-world."

A long pause enveloped the room. Daniel decided it was his turn. He got out of his chair and walked around the table. Giving Sam a comforting hug. "Congratulations Sam. Do you mind if I asked who the father is?"

This was the question she was dreading. She sighed and decided to be completely honest. "Martouf is the father." Barely audible sound came from Jack's throat as he tried to choke it down. Sam looked at Jack. She could only guess what he was thinking. She struggled to fight back tears as Jack just sat in a state of shock. 

After a few moments Jack finally spoke up. "Permission to be dismissed, Sir" Trying desperately to keep his anger down. He never liked Martouf, and now his second in command, his best officer, the woman he loved was having this snakeheads baby. Not only that, the guy was dead. Jack had to get out of there before he exploded.

Feeling the need that everyone needed sometime to work out what had just happened here, he decided it would be for the best. "We will talk about this more later, Dismissed." And with that Jack got up and walked out of the room in three quick paces. 

"Sam if you need anything, just let me know." Daniel got up out of his chair and began to follow Jack, trying to catch up with him.

She was crying freely again. The way her hormones were there was no way she could keep up her military composure. "Sir, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it Major. It just came as a shock to all of us. Perhaps if you take a few days off." Looking at Dr. Fraiser. "The doctor did say she wanted you to stay on base overnight however if everything looks OK in the morning. You have some leave coming. Why don't you take a few days off? Invite Jacob for a visit. I am sure he would like to know the wonderful news, he is going to be a grandfather after all."

Sam fell silent. After a few moments she realized she that General Hammond was right. She needed to see her dad. She had to tell him. Not only because she wanted him to be a part of the baby's life, but also because Martouf had quickly become a very good friend of his. "Thank-you sir. If it is OK with you I would like to contact him in the morning. I am sure he would love to come visit." General Hammond nodded as Sam was getting up. "Well sir. I am quite tired. If you will excuse me." Sam nodded to both General Hammond and Dr. Fraiser and left the room in silence.

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Sam sat in her lab looking over a piece of new technology that SG-16 brought back on their last mission. She needed something to take her mind off the events of the last day. Unfortunately, the more she tried not to think about it the more she thought about it.

Colonel O'Neill was mad. She hadn't seen him since he stormed out of the briefing room earlier. She knew how he felt for her. She cared for him deeply. She would have died to save him. The connection with him was clear, but it was no more or no less than the connection she had with Daniel or Teal'c. They were a family. They were her family. She needed to talk to him. He needed to accept that she loved Martouf and was going to have his baby. The more she thought about it, the more anger boiled up inside her for the way he acted.

"Unscheduled off-world activation."

The announcement came over the speaker, bringing her out of her daze. Hopefully it was dad, Sam thought as she got out of her chair. She had sent a message to Jacob a few hours ago indicating she needed to talk to him. She made her way to the command center.

"Who do we have off-world?" Sam asked as she fell in behind Sergeant Davis.

His hands were moving over the keys while he scanned the monitors. "Five teams are currently off-world. None are due back for 7 hours." 

"Well then, who is it?"  


"Receiving IDC now." Davis said waiting for confirmation. "It's the Tok'ra."

"Open the Iris." Sam ordered, already half way out of the control room and headed for the Gateroom. She waited at the bottom of the ramp focused on the event horizon almost trying to look beyond the surface and to the other side. A broad smile crossed her face as her father stepped through the gate. "Hi Dad."

Walking down the ramp, Jacob moved closer to Sam and embraced her in a hug. "Hi Sam. How have you been?"

Sam relished the strong, secure protection of her father's hug. She really needed it. After a moment she pulled back. "I'm Ok. But, I do need to talk to you. Do you mind if we go to my lab?" She said looking up at the control room noticing Colonel O'Neill walking into the room. She immediately turned back to her father.

Jacob noticed this movement and shook his head no. He followed Sam out of the Gateroom.

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Jacob quietly walked down the hall on sub-level 19 towards her lab consumed in his own thoughts when Selmak broke his train of thought. _Jacob._ Acknowledging Selmak's summons he continued, _Something is disturbing you._

Yes Selmak. Sam isn't usually this quiet and withdrawn. He responded internally, worry surfacing on his inner voice.

She has an announcement for us. This much is certain

No kidding, Jacob said a little rougher than he intended to. They reached Sam's lab and she motioned for him to enter first. 

Sam closed the door and quietly turned around leaning her back against the door. Jacob looked her in the eye's trying to figure out if she was going to cry. "Sam, honey. What's wrong."

She fought back tears that were starting to come though. "Daddy."

"What's the matter?" He asked again this time moving closer to his daughter and put a comforting hand on her arm.

The tears began to flow. "Dad, I'm pregnant."

Jacob was shocked. He moved closer to her and took her into his protecting, fatherly arms. "Oh honey, congratulations. I am happy for you." A long silence passes between them. Finally, Jacob pulled back. "Who is the lucky father?" Jacob asked after a while. 

What if it is Colonel O'Neill? Selmak internally asked his host before Sam could respond to Jacob's question.

I'll kill him for messing with my daughter's career. Jacob shot back. He was serious. _He should know not to mess with my daughter._

Then let us hope it is not him.

Sam didn't say anything. She had stopped crying for the moment. She didn't know what to say or how her father or Selmak, for that matter, would take it the news that the father was Martouf.

"It is not Colonel O'Neill, is it Sam?" A serious expression grew across his face as he looked at her.

She just shook her head no.

"Then who Sam?" He pressed her for an answer. He needed to know.

"Martouf." Sam said a fresh flow of tears running down her cheeks.

The sudden realization of what Sam was talking about hit Jacob harder than he would have expected. He didn't know whether to be happy or sad for her. He knew that Martouf had feelings for Sam, and would have been delighted to see them together. But he also knew the toll this was taking on his daughter. _Jacob, look on the bright side. Samantha is have a baby and the father is the one she loves._ Jacob nodded. He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head so that she was looking at him. "Sam, honey. I am very happy for you. I wish Martouf could be here to help you through this. But I want you to know that I am here. If you need anything just ask."

Sam nods. "I am happy. I just wish Martouf could be here to see his baby."

"I know Sam. But don't let that get you down. Martouf would want you to be happy. Don't disappoint him."

That last statement brought a slight smile to Sam's face. "Thanks dad. I just need to work through some stuff. That's all." Sam gave her father a big hug. She wanted to be protected, and right now she felt the only one who could protect her was her father. She pulled away slightly. "Dad, I think I need to go lay down for a little while." 

"OK, I need to go talk to George anyway, but I will walk you to your quarters." Sam nods and Jacob opens the door to Sam's lab and they both walked out.

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"What you had, you and Jolinar, you were in love longer than I've been alive! Hell, longer than I will be alive!"

"She left this feeling with you? You can feel how she felt for me?" 

"Yes. And it's confusing the hell out of me."

"Why?" He looked into her eyes trying to figure out what she was getting at. He knew she felt the familiarity with him. He too felt a connection to her. She carried Jolinar and in a weird way he could still slightly sense Jolinar's presence in her. He or rather Lantash felt the tingling sensation of the Naquada in her blood-stream.

"Because it's not just in my mind like a memory, I feel it. Like I've had this relationship with you for 100 years. I don't know if I can describe it with words. What Jolinar felt for you, I don't even think I'm capable of comprehending."

"Maybe there's another way you can communicate it. Perhaps in a way other than words." His hands interlocked with hers. She felt a surge run through her body from the Naquada in their bloodstream's. 

She had only known him for a short while but it seemed like a lifetime. She had memories of him and of Rosha. Sam looked at him. He was looking down at their hands then his gaze moved to her. He smiled. 

Daniel and some Tok'ra broke the moment, running up to them. She heard in the distance a voice that didn't seem to track with the actual memory. _He loved you._

Before she could question who or what said that she found herself lying in her bed at the SGC. Pulling herself from the past she swung her legs around off the bed and stood up. She finally realized where she was and when. It had been almost 2 years sense that day on the dunes. That day was so confusing to her. But now after so much time she understood some of what she didn't then. She knew what love was. She loved him. But she couldn't get the guilt out of her. The guilt that she'd to kill him. 

Sam's stomach started to growl. Making a rough calculation she realized she hadn't eaten anything since the day before in the infirmary. She walked to the door and turned around. She could have sworn that someone was in there. After a moment she brushed it off and left her quarters heading for the cafeteria.

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"How could you go and let yourself get knocked up by a boy with a snake in his head? I thought you had more sense than that Sam."

Jacob heard the shouting coming from up ahead. His pace quickened at the mention of his daughter's name. He followed the shouting voices and turned the corner entering the cafeteria. Samantha was sitting in one of the chairs with Colonel O'Neill standing near her.

Her eyes were blood shot, obviously from crying. "I don't have to justify myself to you. Sam avoided looking at the irritated Colonel.

"Oh, yes you do Major."

"No, I don't," she said forcefully, this time looking up directly into her commanding officer's eyes.

"I am your commanding officer. Anything involving your safety and well being is my business."

She slammed the fork in her hand on the table as she rose to her feet and began speaking slowly. "Everyone else is happy for me. Why can't you be?" Tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks. She turned and began to walk away.

O'Neill reached out grabbing her arm to prevent her from leaving. "We aren't done here Carter."

"Yes, we are," she said trying to free her and walk away. O'Neill didn't let go and that restriction caused Samantha to trip over the chair she was sitting in. She fell to the floor hitting her head on the chair.

O'Neill stood there looking at the unconscious body lying in front of him. He instantly regretted his actions. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Carter. He was startled to see Jacob running over to Sam. He avoided looking at Jacob figuring he had probably seen the entire event. Whispering "I'm sorry" he turned and ran out of the room.

Jacob was on his knees next to Sam stroking her hair, not wanting to move her for fear of further injury to her or the baby. "Sam, honey. Hang in there. You're going to be OK. You hear me? You're going to be OK," He whispered to his daughter. Turning to a nearby airman he shouted. "Get Dr. Fraiser down her right away." He turned back to Sam and gently stroked her cheek, whispering to her. "You're going to be OK," He repeated it over and over more to himself than anyone else.

A few moments passed and Dr. Fraiser and a medical team arrived with a gurney. "What happened here?" She rushed to Carter's side and immediately began taking her vitals.

"There was an accident. Sam fell and hit her head." Jacob didn't want to go into it any further. He felt he needed to resolve the issue. Nodding at Sam, "Is she going to be OK?"

Janet was giving orders to have Sam put on the gurney. "I don't know. I need to get her to the infirmary. OK people, Let's move her out." Janet began pulling the gurney out into the hall.

Jacob followed Janet out into the corridor, initially intending to follow her to the infirmary when he changed his mind. Sam was in very capable hands. Instead he decided to go looking for Colonel O'Neill. Anger was boiling up within him. "How dare O'Neill touch Sam." He said to himself.

__

Jacob, don't do anything rash.

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I didn't ask for you advice Selmak. He shot back internally. The last thing he wanted was to get into a debate about what to do to Jack.

__

I can not let you hurt him. 

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Don't try to stop me. He snapped in a tone of voice that indicated the conversation was over.

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Jack O'Neill was wandering the halls in a daze. He didn't want to hurt Sam. She was his best officer and also a dear friend. How could she forgive him for the way he acted? How could he forgive himself? Thinking back on the argument, he couldn't even figure out why he had gotten so upset. He certainly didn't mean for it to get out of hand like it had. Jack turned the corner and came to his office. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. He fumbled with them in his fingers, finally finding the correct key and unlocked the door. He stepped in and closed the door leaning his head against it. 

Closing his eyes Jack let out a heavy sigh. He stood there for a moment until a thought crossed his mind. He left Sam lying in the cafeteria, unconscious. His guilt doubled. He shouldn't have left her like that. "She is probably in the infirmary by now," he said out loud. He slowly moved over to his desk and picked up the phone. He decided to call down to the infirmary and see how Sam was doing. 

Before he could dial the extension the door to his office flew open. Jack slammed his fist on the table and turned around. The figure in the door didn't look very happy. "Damn, Don't you Tok'ra know how to knock?"

This infuriated Jacob even more. He bolted across the room and used his symbiote-enhanced strength to grab Jack and pin him against the wall. "How dare you touch Samantha!" he yelled. Jack just stood there, his mouth hanging open trying to figure out what to say to the angry father in front of him. "I don't care what your personal feelings towards Martouf or the Tok'ra in general are. But if you ever hurt Sam again…"

"Jacob." Jack yelled back cutting him off in mid sentence. "I didn't mean to hurt her. Jacob, I care about her. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt her or the baby," he confided. After saying that he stood there looking at the other man's face trying to guess what was to come next.

Jacob stood there with his hands on Jack's shoulders holding him against the wall trying to digest what he had just heard. A moment passed then Jack noticed Jacob's whole demeanor changed. He didn't fully comprehend what happened until Jacob, or rather, Selmak began to speak.

__

"Jacob is shocked by this sudden revelation. He is currently trying to work through this new information."

"Selmak, I didn't mean to hurt her," concern growing on his face.

Selmak released his grasp of Jack and responded. _ "I know. I am currently having a very heated discussion with Jacob. He is concerned for his daughter and her career. He has also informed me of several actions that you would not find very pleasant, should you interfere with it."_

Jack shuddered at the thought. He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them again. "Jacob listen to me. Yes, I care for her. A whole lot more than I should, given our current circumstances with the military. But believe me, I would never act upon it. The fact is, I care for her so much that I would never ask her to give up her career for me. I could never forgive myself if I let that happen."

Jacob blinked repeatedly. Jack assumed Selmak had calmed Jacob down enough that no immediate harm would come to Jack, and relinquished control. Jack looked into Jacob's eyes and saw a calmer, more rational man standing before him.

"Jack sit." Jacob pointed to the desk across the room.

Jack immediately obeyed the command and took a seat, unconsciously grabbing the pen lying on the desk; he started twirling it in his fingers. Jacob followed suit and took the chair directly across from him. There was an uneasy silence between them.

"Jack, Sam is my daughter. As my daughter I want to protect her from anyone or anything that would harm her."

Jack avoided eye contact, keeping unusually quiet to let him finish. 

"You truly, deeply care about her. Don't you?" All O'Neill could do was nod. "I know. I also know you don't want to see any harm come to her anymore than I do. I can't be around to protect her all the time." There was a pause. O'Neill assumed that Jacob was talking with Selmak internally while talking with him externally. "I would really appreciate it if you would be willing to protect her in my place. I know I can count on you."

Jack paused for a moment unsure how to respond. Finally he nodded and slowly responded. "I will do everything in my power to protect her Jacob. I promise." 

Jacob could see a new found resolve form in his eyes. Jacob got up and turned to walk out. Before he could get to the door, Jack called from behind.

"Ummm. Jacob."

Turning to face the other man. "Yes Jack."

"Could you do me one favor." There was a slight pause. "Is there anyway we could keep this between us."

Jacob didn't say anything as he left the room. He didn't let Jack see the smile on his lips but would honor the other man's wishes.

__

You did the right thing Jacob, not killing him. Selmak said giving the mental equivalent of a wink to Jacob.

__

I know Sel. I know. Came the response as they left the room and headed down the hall.

---------------------------------------

__

"I will look after you father as if he were my own." There was sincerity in his voice. The slight smile on his face showed his attraction to her. She felt it too.

__

"Thank-you." She turned to face her father and no one was there. She was standing in the gateroom alone. From behind her came three words in the voice of a child. "He loved you."

Sam didn't know who the child was, but she did seem familiar. The child was standing at the top of the ramp. She couldn't have been more than 9 or 10. Her hair straight and blond and her eyes were a very light shade of gray-blue. Her facial features were reminiscent of someone she knew.

"Who are you?"

"Don't blame yourself for his death." There was a bright flash and Sam saw his body lying at the bottom of the ramp. She was shocked to see him lying there. Everything was so real. She had dreamt about that day, probably dozens of times but it never hit her this hard in the dream.

"I killed him." Sam's eyes began to water. The tears were threatening to come out. "That's enough" she screamed. "Take him away. PLEASE."

There was another flash and his body disappeared. "He wouldn't want you to go through this. He doesn't want you to blame yourself."

"Who are you? Do I know you?"

"I am Kayla. You will see me again. It is time for you to wake up now." Sam started to stir in the bed that she was in. "Oh one more thing. Forgive him."

"What? Forgive who?" Suddenly Sam was wide-awake. She started around the room and heard the all too familiar sound of the pulse monitor in the infirmary. The room was dark except for some light emanating from the monitors and from Janet's office. Sam assumed it was late in the evening. Janet rarely had any patients after 5 or 6 in the afternoon. She tried to get up but as soon as she sat up she became nauseous and immediately laid back down. The monitor started beeping faster which caused Janet to come check things out.

"Hey Sam, Welcome back to the land of the conscious. How are you feeling?"

"My head is pounding. What happened?"

"Well from what I can gather you fell and hit you head in the commissary. Colonel O'Neill is very worried about you. He has been waiting in the infirmary most of the afternoon for you to wake up. I convinced him about an hour ago to go get something to eat. He should be back soon."

"I don't want to see him." She was determined not to see him. After the way he acted in the commissary she didn't want to see him. He had to respect for her wants or emotions and his actions earlier proved it to her. 

"Sam…"

"No, I don't want to see him right now." As far as Sam was concerned that was final. "Now if you have nothing else I would like to get some sleep." She rolled onto her side and pulled the blanket up to her chin.

Janet was disturbed by Sam's little outburst but figured it had to do with her being pregnant. She walked out of the room and saw Jack coming around the corner.

"Hey Doc. How is she?"

Trying to manage a bit of a smile she responded. "She is awake."

"Can I see her?" He really wanted to apologize for the way he acted earlier. His conversation with Jacob really caused him to think. He made a promise and now he wanted to fulfill that promise. 

"I don't think that would be a good idea right now Colonel. She is very tired and angry. Perhaps in the morning."

Jack just gave a sigh and turned around leaving Sam to herself for the night.

---------------------------------------

O'Neill walked down the hall not really wanting to go home. Walking past the mess hall he noticed the clock on the opposite end of the wall. It was nearly 10pm. He quietly slipped into the room and grabbed a cup of coffee and a glass of green Jell-O. What an unusual combination he said to himself. He moved to the table farthest from the entrance to the mess hall. Looking around he noticed it was fairly quite in there. Even thought it was dark on Earth the mountain usually had people around at all hours of the day. It may be dark where they are but on another world it could be mid day. Missions were usually scheduled for normal operating hours but most of the time that seemed not to work out.

He looked at his glass and picking up his spoon he took a bite of its contents then picking up his cup he took a sip of the coffee. The combination of lime and coffee beans went down easily down his throat. He looked up as two young airman walked into the room and headed to the mess line. There was nothing major there of course but most who came in at this hour usually tended to come to wind down after a long and usually hectic day at the mountain.

He didn't have any particular destination in mind and really it didn't matter. But there was no way he was going to leave the base without telling Carter he was sorry. He soon arrived at his office on level 19. Unlocking the door he quickly stepped in. He quickly surveyed the office much as he would when he was off world expecting an attack. "This is silly." He moved over to his desk where the phone was still off the hook from when Jacob came through the door earlier. He could hear the tone of the phone buzzing from being dead so long. Picking up the receiver he looked at it for a second then replaced it back on the main unit. 

O'Neill slipped around the desk and sat down. The pencil, the phone, even his reports still all sitting there exactly the way they were earlier. He could still picture Jacob sitting across from him, one part wanting to kill him, the other part willing to listen. Man was he glad the listening part was more convincing.

He grabbed the top most report in the pile and flipped it open. It was the latest pre-mission briefing from Daniel. The mission was to P3X-384, also known as Ferlianar. It was a planet with a rich oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere. That would mean lots of trees. Daniel had spotted some ruins near the gate from the MALP video that indicated a possible Ancient presence on that planet at some point, and he wanted to go check it out.

O'Neill tossed the report on his desk and sighed. He figured he wouldn't be able to get any sleep tonight if he went home so why not stay here and get something done. He thumbed through half a dozen or so folders on his desk looking for the note he'd quickly jotted down after their last mission so that he could actually get it typed up and submitted to General Hammond in a reasonable time. 

He was started out of his concentration when he heard a knock at the door. Looking up he saw Daniel standing at the doorway. He managed a slight smile and motioned for him to enter, stating "Daniel come in."

Daniel hesitated for a moment then entered walking over to the desk. "Hi Jack." Folding his arms in front of him he continued. "How are you?"

"Fine, fine." There was a pause and O'Neill found himself biting the inside of his cheek for a moment. Finally speaking up again, "What are you doing here so late."

"Oh you know the usual, trying to catalogue the last set of artifacts I found on our last mission."

"Ah." Came the response. "Soooo…"

"Sooo. I heard about what happened today in the commissary."

Realization hit O'Neill; Daniel was there to find out why he did what he had done earlier. "Ah." Was the only response forthcoming.

There was an awkward silence between them finally Jack decided to cut to the chase. "I take it you talked to Carter. You're here to… What? Defend her."

"No Jack. I wanted to hear it from you. Why did you do it? She is your friend and your second in command. You trust her we have been together for 4 years as a team. Why this all of a sudden?" Daniel knew exactly what had caused his friend to act out. He knew that O'Neill cared for Carter. But he knew that both of them were professional military officers and they both had enough decency and respect for one another to completely rule out any sort of relationship between the two.

Jack really didn't want to talk about this. He sat there trying to come up with all sorts of ways to avoid the conversation but all of them fell short. "Look, Danny. It is… complicated. I don't know how to explain it to myself, let alone to you. But I can tell you this. I was wrong. I shouldn't have grabbed her like I did. I am just glad she is OK. And believe me, I plan to make it up to her."

Daniel absorbed the information he had just been told trying to work out exactly what his friend was trying to say. "Jack. What's up with you? What are you trying to get at?"

O'Neill's face suddenly became serious. "I don't know Daniel. But I do know it isn't going to happen again. Nothing is going to harm Carter or the baby. I won't let it."

Daniel stood there listening to his best friend come out and be more emotional than he had ever seen him. This was one of the first times he had seen that hard Military man come down and try to explain his feelings. The only other time he could remember was with the Unity, when it had taken the form of his son Charlie. Daniel had actually found it kind of soothing to see Jack try to explain what he was feeling and going through.

Daniel nodded giving Jack a slight smile. He had known Jack far to long too know that he didn't want to talk about it anymore and made a slow movement towards the door. "I think I understand. If you need me for anything or you want to talk some more I will be in my office." With that he turned and walked out leaving Jack with his own thoughts.

---------------------------------------

Carter laid there in the infirmary bed trying her hardest to fall asleep. The headache had more or less gone away with some help from Fraiser's meds. She was angry for the way O'Neill had acted and treated her. She tried talking with him rationally but he wouldn't have any of it. The last thing she wanted was to deal with him now. Perhaps I should just request a transfer. It would save a lot of grief. Make it easier, just have Major Kestler be a permanent replacement for her. Hammond would at last consider her request. 

She heard someone outside the private room that Doc Fraiser had moved her to for some privacy. She was expecting Colonel O'Neill to enter and without opening her eyes she was ready to tell him to go away. Suddenly she realized it was not him. If fact she could feel his presence. "Please come in Teal'c." She said before he could ask to enter the room. He inclined his head slightly and stepped fully into the room. 

Sam opened her eyes and sat up slightly so that she could see Teal'c easier. 

"Major Carter. I hope you are feeling better."

"A little." She responded. "Please sit." She said motioning to a chair that was sitting near her bed.

"I wanted to make sure you were settled and well before heading off to Kel'no'reem."

"I will be."

There was a silence between them. But it was one that Carter had grown to find comforting when Teal'c was around. Unfortunately, this time it was a bit disconcerting because of the events that had transpired between herself and O'Neill.

"Major Carter. Why will you not speak to O'Neill?"

She sighed trying to figure out exactly how to answer him. "Well I take it what happened has probably gotten through the base by now." Teal'c inclined his head. "I see. Well, it doesn't matter. What happened is between Colonel O'Neill and myself. It is no one else's business." She responded a little more angrily than she had intended. Luckily she knew that Teal'c would not hold it against her. She immediately felt bad for taking it out on him though.

"Major Carter. Anything that effects the efficiency and productivity of this team is a cause for concern. I do not want to see this destroy what we have built up over the last few years." 

"Teal'c I can't promise you anything. I don't want to see things change either but I don't think the Colonel will ever accept the fact that I am carrying Martouf's baby. He never like Martouf and I think that will cloud his judgement concerning the baby and myself."

Teal'c just sat there as Sam went on, his strong silent presence finally giving its usual comforting sensation to Sam. She looked up at him as he moved his hand over and touched hers. The reaction from the Naquada in her blood caused a little tingling in her hand. She smiled slightly.

"Major Carter. I believe in time Colonel O'Neill will accept the baby and who the father was."

Sam smiled slightly and watched as Teal'c got up and silently walked out of the room leaving her with her thoughts.

'Maybe he is right' she thought to herself. She looked around the infirmary, the sound of the machines and various other equipment the only thing to keep her company. 'How the hell do I try and talk to him if he wants nothing to do with me and my baby.' She laid there and began to drift off to sleep.

---------------------------------------

__

"I'm sorry. Martouf is having a more difficult time dealing with this than I am." His eyes glowed bright and the distortion in his voice was pronounced.

"You're his symbiote, Lantash, right?"

A large smile came across his face. He was happy that she recognized him. Apparently her memories from Jolinar were intact. _"Yes, Martouf is the name of my host."_

"Yeah, I knew that. I seem to know pretty much everything about you. When I'm with you, I feel a different sort of, I don't know, recognition, than I do with the other Tok'ra. Is there something different about your relationship to Jolinar?" She didn't consciously know this information. It seemed to be like latent knowledge.
    
    
    _"Jolinar and I were together for nearly... 100 of your years. She was my mate."_ Lantash responded, happy to find out that she possessed at last some of Jolinar's memories.
    _
    "Oh. How does that work? She was whose mate? Martouf, or Lantash?"_
    _"Both."_ His eyes were sincere. He loved Jolinar and Rosha just as they love Martouf and himself.

Lantash gave control back to Martouf and they started walking. 

"My father loved you."

Sam stopped and turned suddenly facing the child before her again. "What?"

"My father loved you." The child repeated. "Both of them." Kayla grabbed Sam's hand and urged her to continue walking. "Lantash may have never said it himself but he felt the exact same way that Martouf felt. I believe his only regret would have been never telling you."

Sam looked at the little girl in front of her and kneeled down so that she was looking Kayla directly in the eyes. The gray-blue color reminded her a lot of Martouf. "Why is this happening?"

"You blame yourself for their death. It was not your fault."

Her eyes were starting to tear up. "It was my fault. I should have seen it coming. I could have started."

"No. There was no way to tell Martouf was affected by the Zatarc technology."

Sam was crying now. "I should have been able to tell."

"Impossible."

Sam was about to respond when she found herself no longer on the dunes where she had talked with Martouf, but back in the infirmary sitting up in her bed. The clock said it was nearly 8 in the morning. She let out a sigh and laid back down. Bringing her hand up to her eyes, she rubbed them vigorously. Dropping her hand back down she noticed O'Neill standing at the door.

"Hi there." He said with a slight wave and smile. "Can I come in."

O'Neill was the last person she wanted to see. But perhaps if they got it over with he would just leave her alone.

"Carter. We need to talk."

Sam motioned for him to enter and take one of the seats near the bed. He did just that and she was going to say something to him about the incident the day before when he broke in.

"Carter. I am sorry." She just sat there looking at him, unsure she'd heard him correctly. It was unusual for him to come out and say exactly how he felt about anything.

"I was wrong to take it out on you like I did." There was a pause. "If you are happy and want to go through with this I will be here for you all the way." O'Neill shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

It took a second for Sam to recognize exactly what he was getting at. Finally she spoke up. "You mean you're not upset about my decision to carry the baby full term."

O'Neill shook his head no in response. "On the contrary I would be disappointed if you decided to give the baby up, which I know you would never do even if I had reservations about it." He got up and moved over to Carter's bed and picked up her hand. "Carter… Sam. I am greatly sorry for the way I acted yesterday. What I said was irresponsible and wrong. I care for you, and will not let anything happen to you or the baby."

"Why this sudden change of heart sir?"

"I made a promise Carter. One that I intend to keep." 

There was sincerity in his eyes that she found shocking and very comforting. Looking into his eyes she could see that he was not joking around. He was not that usual joking Colonel she had come to care for and respect. This was different and she liked it. O'Neill sat there waiting for her to respond. She remained silent for a while then finally responded.

"Sir. I am flattered really…"

O'Neill put a finger up to his mouth cutting her off. "Carter. I am serious. No harm will ever come to you or the baby, I promise." With that he got up and quietly left the room leaving Sam with her own thoughts.

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****

THREE MONTHS LATER

Carter skillfully maneuvered the FRED over the rocky terrain to the observation spot Daniel had picked out from the UAV that they had sent up into the air two days prior. He wanted to check out some ruins that were approximately 2 days walk from the Stargate. He mentioned something about a possible connection to the Asgard. Dr. Frasier had agreed to let Sam come along on this mission because the planet was classified un-inhabited, therefore no danger was evident to herself or the child.

She made her way up a rather steep hill trying to get the FRED to do exactly what she wanted it to do. Colonel O'Neill walked up to her just as she stumbled a little over a rock. He grabbed her arm to keep her from falling. She looked up at him and a slight smile crept onto her face. "Thank-you sir."

He let her arm go. "Anytime Major. Do you need to rest?"

Carter grinned. "No sir. Thank-you. I may be four months pregnant but I still can handle myself out in the field."O'Neill responded with a smile then moved up to the front of the group. 

Carter got the FRED to the top of the hill and stopped for a moment to take a slight breather. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c had already started down the hill. They could see the site that Daniel wanted to go to. Major Kestler was standing on the other side of the FRED. Carter looked back down the hill slightly and saw Daniel straggling. He had stopped a few meters back and was kneeled down looking at something on the ground. He pulled a little orange flag out of a side pocket of his bag and placed it in the ground. After a moment he got up and started back up the hill.

"Find something Daniel?"

He was a little distracted and finally looked up when Carter was about to repeat her question. He responded with a slight bit of nonsense before finally answering. "Uh yeah. There are some fossils back that that I want to catalogue later I was just marking them so that we don't lose them." He reached the top of the hill and noticed that Carter had stopped. She looked a little tired. Daniel noticed it and spoke up. "Sam, are you ok?"

She took a drink of water from her canteen then nodded. "Yeah Daniel. I am fine." She smiled. 

"Sam are you sure?"

"Yeah Daniel. I am sure. Just a little tired. Give me a second then I will be ready to go." Carter turned to Major Kestler, "Major. Can you go tell Colonel O'Neill that I will be down at bottom of the hill in just a minute? I needed to take a slight break."

Major Kestler nodded then started running down the hill leaving Daniel and Carter at the top of the rocky hill. She moved over to the FRED and sat down for a second and took another drink from her canteen.

"Hey Sam look at that." He said pointing down towards the bottom of the hill. Major Kestler had reached the Colonel and the two of them were waving at Carter and Daniel.

Carter waved back, picked up the remote for the FRED and began moving it down the hill. It was a lot flatter than the up slope of the hill, which would make it much easier to get down.

Carter and Daniel reached the bottom of the hill as Colonel O'Neill walked up to them. "Hey, what happened I thought you said you were fine and could keep up." He said with a grin on his face.

Carter walked up to O'Neill and playfully slapped him on the arm. "You don't want me to get dehydrated do you."

"Now, now Major that could be considered assaulting a superior officer." He responded with a smile rubbing his arm pretending to have been hurt by the thwap.

"Yeah whatever sir." She said as she walked past him with the FRED remote in her hand.

The group continued for another mile or so. The ground had flattened out quite a bit allowing them to traverse the area with relative ease. Major Kestler kept more or less to himself like he did on most missions. He was the outsider and the rest of SG-1 tried to get him to converse but he was never too responsive. Teal'c and O'Neill stayed at the front keeping their ever watchful eye. Daniel stayed towards the rear with Carter and the FRED. It was piled high with lots of equipment and gear. 

General Hammond had granted Dr. Jackson's request to establish a 3 days survey mission of the area. Hammond usually didn't give his flagship team long survey missions but the team had had a pretty heavy mission schedule of late and he decided they needed some time to relax. Not to mention Major Carter hadn't really been able to go off world on missions because most of them weren't exactly considered friendly.

O'Neill stopped near the ruins not far from the edge of a forest. He turned towards the others. "OK kids. This is where we will make camp." He looked around the area. "Teal'c come with me, we will secure the perimeter. Kestler, Carter begin making camp. Daniel you get started on your stuff."

Everyone nodded in acknowledgement and began getting their assigned duties. Carter moved off into the start of the forest to grab some firewood. She figured that it would be better to use their natural resources rather than the supplies they brought with them. 

A couple hours passed and the camp was set, the sun was beginning to set on the horizon. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c walked back into camp. "Well, the perimeter is set up. If we were to get any unexpected visitors, we'll know about it."

Carter nodded as she was pulling out some MRE's from one of the containers that Kestler had pulled off the FRED. Sifting through the packages she read to herself what each meal was. "Turkey, PB&J, Ham…" Finally she came to one and tossed it to Daniel. "Here you go. "Macaroni and Cheese," she said with and playful grin. Pulling out a Beef Stew package for her and moved over towards the fire and sat down next to O'Neill in one of the makeshift chairs they had brought with them.

Everyone ripped open their MRE's and began preparing their meals. After they had all started eating O'Neill spoke up. "We all should get to bed early tonight. It is going to be a long couple of days. Carter, you Daniel and Kestler will stay and survey the ruins. Teal'c you and I will take a look around the area. I want to know what is out there."

There was a loud screech coming from somewhere in the now dark wilderness. Everyone jumped at the sound. It was not something that was particularly pleasant. 

Daniel was the first to speak up. "OK. What was that?"

"I believe it was a wild animal Daniel Jackson." Responded Teal'c.

O'Neill shot Teal'c a slightly playful look. "Ya think." There was a pause when they heard the noise again. "OK. I want to know what that is. Teal'c, tomorrow you and I are going to check it out." Teal'c responded with a nod.

They finished up their meals and Carter prepared for bed. O'Neill followed her lead and prepared his bedroll as well. Soon after everyone was getting ready to go to sleep. Once O'Neill was sure that everyone was more or less ready he spoke up. "OK kids. Who wants the first watch." Kestler rose his hand. "OK, Kestler, you have it. Carter you'll go second then myself, and then Teal'c." Everyone nodded. 

O'Neill rarely had Daniel take night watch partially because he was never trained in military tactics. Not that he didn't think Daniel could do it. Daniel was able to take care of himself but it had just become standard procedure for Daniel not to take watch. As for Carter, after his talk with Jacob, O'Neill didn't like the idea of Carter being on watch by herself, but she wouldn't have it any other way. It was standard procedure for everyone to share in watch duty so she insisted on pulling her weight.

Carter waved night to everyone then moved to her tent and tried to get comfortable in her bedroll. Slowly she drifted off to sleep.

---------------------------------------

"She is sorry."

Sam looked at her surroundings. She was near an ocean. There were two moons out. The sky was a red from the sun setting. She looked out over the ocean and seemed to recognize it but couldn't put her finger on it. Suddenly she heard the voice come from behind her.

"She didn't mean to do it."

Sam turned around and looked at the little girl. It was Kayla. "What do you mean she didn't mean to do it? Who are you talking about?"

Kayla began to walk down the beach and Carter began to follow. There was no response coming from Kayla and the two of them continued to walk in silence. Carter took in the sights trying to figure out where exactly they were. She felt like she had been there before but just couldn't figure it out.

"My mother." Came the respond finally.

Sam couldn't figure out whom Kayla was talking about. Everything seemed to be connected but it just wasn't coming together. "Your Mother?"

"Yes, Jolinar. She didn't mean to take you over by force. There was just no other way."

Suddenly everything seemed to fall into place. They were on Noctanna. She knew that now. It was the last place Martouf/Lantash and Rosha/Jolinar had spent together. "Oh." Was the only response forthcoming from Sam.

"She wanted you to know that she did not want to take you by force."

Sam stopped and looked out over the ocean, she was beginning to cry. "None of this would have ever happened if I had not been taken by Jolinar."

Kayla nodded. "Perhaps, but that is not certain. If you had not encountered Jolinar, a long chain of events never would have happened. No. You would not be here where you are now but there are many other things that would have not happened as well."

"Maybe not. But I would not have had to kill him." Tears were flowing freely down her face. 

"No. But you must look at things in the positive rather than the negative. If we had not encountered each other, the Tok'ra and the Tau'ri would not have the alliance they have now." There was a slight pause. "And you would not have your father."

The tears suddenly stopped. She was stunned that was something she had never thought of. She had always been a little mad at Jolinar for what she did, but she never exactly thought about it that way. Her father would be dead. So indirectly Jolinar saved her father's life.

Sam stood there for a moment, closed her eyes and lowered her head slightly deep in thought. Finally she looked up at Kayla. "I understand." Kayla nodded and Sam continued. "Had it not been for Jolinar I would not have my father. And the Tok'ra would not have one of their wisest leaders. It is not Jolinar's fault. She was just a trigger. But once she sacrificed herself so that I may live, our lives were no longer connected in such a direct way. Yes, she did lead me to the Tok'ra and her feelings did initially cause me to be be attracted to Martouf but I believe I would have been attracted to him without it."

"You would have. Now you need to let your anger go. Life's current predicament is only affected, not controlled, by your past."

Sam looked out over the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs below them. She looked down and saw something playing in the water. It was a sea creature of some sort. She didn't recognize what it was but it seemed to have a calm, gentle appeal to it. It seemed happy. Sam would have given anything to be happy at that moment. To be rid of the pain that she was feeling and the regret of what was happening to her. Sam looked up at Kayla and even through all her pain and suffering she could see that she was right. Too much stuff happened because Jolinar took her as a host. And even though some of that was bad, most of it was for the better.

Sam eyed the child for a moment longer then whispered. "Thank-you." Sam turned and watched the sea creature below a little longer. When she looked up Kayla was gone. Sam could not figure out where she had gone, then she heard a voice on the wind. 

"Major Carter." There was a pause. "Major Carter wake up it is your watch."

Sam opened her eyes and looked up seeing Major Kestler standing slightly over her trying to wake her without disturbing the others. He handed her a cup of coffee as she sat up. Nodding her thanks she took a sip of the warm liquid. She closed her eyes and savored the taste in her mouth. When she opened her eyes again she saw Major Kestler still standing there watching her. She looked at him more directly and told him that she would be fine and he could get some rest. He nodded and moved over to his bedroll.

Sam grabbed her P-90 and stood up. Looking around she waited a moment to allow herself to gain complete balance after being asleep for the past couple of hours. Slowly she began walking around the camp looking for anything out of the ordinary, all the while thinking about Kayla and what they had 'talked' about in her dream.

Jolinar had led to many good things and she no longer felt the need to blame her for what was going on. Looking around she saw those that meant most to her. Colonel O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, and Teal'c. They were her family and that day when Jolinar had taken her, as host was one of the worst she had ever experienced. But even through it all those closest to her never stopped caring for her. 

The rest of the watch went by pretty quickly. She spent most of it thinking about one thing or another finally ended up on the topic of names for her baby. She knew it was going to be a girl but really hadn't given much thought to it. At some point it dawned on her that the baby had basically named herself. Kayla.

Sam finished her watch then went to rouse the Colonel for his. She grabbed a cup of coffee and moved over to where he was sleeping. "Colonel. Sir. It is your watch." She said handing him the fresh cup. He took it gratefully and she moved off to get some sleep when he stopped her.

"Carter."  


Sam turned quickly. "Yes, Sir."

"How are you doing with all of this?" He whispered.

She thought about it for a second then smiled. "Just fine sir. Thanks for asking." Then turned and moved off to get some much needed rest. 

Sam slept soundly the rest of the night. She didn't have any dreams or nightmares to disturb her. She felt quite content with the way things were going.

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****

FIVE MONTHS LATER

Carter was walking around the base after just having visited the commissary for one of her usual midnight raids. General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill had insisted she stay on base stating if she went into labor at home or anywhere else there would be no-one around to help her or get her to the hospital. Not to mention the baby was Harcesis. Who knew what complications it would create. She knew that they were just concerned for her, but nothing was the same as being at home in your own bed sleeping. She had been "restricted" to the base for the last week and it was started to get to the point where she was annoyed with the constant attention the pregnancy was attracting. Not like it hadn't been since everyone first found out she was carrying a baby, and not only a baby, but a Harcesis.

There weren't many people on the base at the moment. Most had gone home for the night. There were only 4 teams off world currently and they were on peaceful survey missions so a full base staff wasn't required at this time of night, sometime close to midnight. The Colonel was around the base somewhere. Sam assumed he was probably in his on-base quarters sleeping. Which was probably where she should be as well. The Colonel had insisted on staying on base until she had her baby. He wanted to be around when Carter had the baby.

Carter decided to head back to her quarters. She was starting to get tired but found it near impossible to actually get the much needed sleep. She reached her quarters and opened the door slowly. The lights were out and she slid her hand slowly up the side of the wall and flipped the light switch. Sam moved over to the bed and laid down manually turning off the light. She let her eyes flutter asleep and slowly tried drifting off to sleep.

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__

"Two days, right? I guess we will wait and see." Sam said slightly disappointed.

"Or you could go through with the procedure." Martouf responded trying to find a way to convince her to try the procedure.

"Which would cause me to lose my mind anyway, just like Astor did." Sam had her doubts, but she trusted him and knew he was just trying to find a way to get her out of the situation safely and unharmed.

"Yes." He said grimly.

"Or the procedure could work and I could still end up with serious brain damage." Sam did not like the possible outcomes one bit. It was still her life and she didn't want to die or become an invalid.

"Yes, I know. Not only do I not want to risk what you still carry of Jolinar, but I have grown quite fond of you as well, Sam." /i Martouf said with his charming smile. She responded with an equal smile and silence grew between them for a second.

Before either of them could speak Sam heard a voice behind her. "He would not want you to blame yourself."

Sam turned around suddenly and looked at the girl before her. Everything she had experienced the last 9 months came boiling to the surface. She killed him. There was no getting around that. As much as she didn't want to do it she had. It was either that or he blow himself up to bits because of some programming in his mind.

"He does not blame you." Kayla said comfortingly.

"But I pulled the trigger. It was me." Sam argued tears streaming down her face.

"You only ended his suffering. The Goa'uld ultimately killed Martouf."

"I should have seen it coming."  


"There was no way." Kayla countered.

"That's no excuse." Sam sunk to her knees, crying into her hands.

Kayla moved over to Sam and hugged her. "You saved him from something worse than death. You saved him from losing it all to the Goa'uld. At least this way he died with honor and the look of your face in his eyes."

The scene around them changed back to the gateroom. This time Sam was not reliving the experience. She was watching it as an outsider. 

"Samantha.."

She pulled the trigger and the blue lights encircled him. As he fell to the ground Sam watched herself run to him and catch him, gently lowering him to the ground. She sat there watching his lifeless body, being rocked back and forth. After a few moments the silence was broken once again.

"He loved you."

She was crying full out again. In between the sobs she managed to get out. "I.. .. know."

"He did not want you to go through all this pain. He asked you to end it so that he would not succumb to the full programming where he would have ceased to be himself."

Sam looked up at Kayla as she spoke through teary eyes. Her words were soft and comforting. Sam wanted to believe what was being said.

"You ended the life of a struggling man who was on the verge of losing everything that made him who he was. You killed the shell. But something happened that the Goa'uld did not expect."

"What's that?"

"Everything that Martouf and Lantash were lives on in me. Just as everything that you and Jolinar are and were. I am the synthesis of the four of you. No better, no worse than the sum of those parts. He asked you to do what he knew needed to be done. The part of me that is him regrets putting this upon you. But it needed to be done. Just as the part of me that is you knows you need to accept it and move on. Only then can you continue the fight."  


Sam wasn't quite sure what to say. She could see the truth in those words. Finally speaking up she looked at Kayla. "Where do I go from here?"

"You carry on. As best you can despite the hardships and the guilt. Let them go and find your own way. Don't blame yourself for something you could not avoid."

Sam felt herself start to awaken. 

"In time we will discuss this further. Until then... Remember.. .. He loved you."

Kayla pulled away as Sam slowly began to see the scene around her dissolve and blend together. On the air she heard those words repeated. "He loved you..."

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Sam awoke from her dream slowly, doubting what she had just experienced. It seemed real, yet not. Either way she felt an overwhelming sense of closure and relaxation that she had not felt since that awful day so many months ago. She felt released as if a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders and she could breath again without restriction.

She looked around the darkened room and leaned over turning on the lights, letting her eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. She rolled over and glanced at the clock.

"Wow, 8:34." She said to herself with a slight amazement that she slept so long, it wasn't something she was accustomed to getting, normally 5, 6 hours tops.

Sam pushed herself off the bed and slowly walked out of her quarters. She headed for the infirmary, she was asked to report there every morning because she was so close to her time to give birth. Dr. Fraiser just wanted to go through a daily checkup and examination to make sure there was nothing abnormal.

Sam reached the infirmary a few minutes later and saw Janet standing over one of the beds. She couldn't see exactly who was lying there but whatever the problem was it didn't seem too serious because Janet was smiling. Sam waved to Janet and made her way to one of the empty beds. Janet waved back and indicated she would be with Sam in just a few minutes.

Sam sat there watching the normal commotion of the infirmary. There were a few people coming and going. Over near the main medical office there were two nurses talking and laughing about something. Sam shifted her gaze off the nurses to a figure that just entered the room. He had come to every one of her checkups since she had been restricted to the base.

Sam smiled as he walked over to her. "Colonel. How are you doing this morning?"

O'Neill smiled back as he made his way over to the bed. He had promised Jacob he would do anything in his power to protect Carter and the baby, and to this point he had succeeded. "Hey Carter. I am OK. How are you and the baby doing? Picked out a name yet?"

Sam laughed. Every morning when he greeted her he asked the same question. He knew perfectly well that Sam was not going to pick a name till the baby was born. He just liked to ask anyway. "I am OK sir. Slept better than I have.." 

Sam broke off suddenly bending over grabbing her stomach screaming in pain.

O'Neill reacted immediately. "Carter...Doc. Get over here." He yelled across the room. 

Dr. Fraiser was at their side in no time reacting to Sam who was in obvious pain. "She's going into labor. We need to get her set up. NOW!!"

The two nurses came over and started prepping Carter for the delivery as Fraiser insisted that O'Neill left the room. He did so rather reluctantly and Dr. Fraiser closed the door behind her. 

O'Neill stood there for a moment feeling helpless. He had promised to protect Carter, yet at this moment there was nothing he could do. Finally he realized that others would like to know that Carter was in labor. O'Neill ran down the hall towards Hammond's office.

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The gate activated and the Tech in the control room waited for an iris code to come through. Finally after a few tense moments he received the signal and opened the Iris.  


Colonel O'Neill and Jacob Carter materialized out of the Event Horizon and stepped onto the metal platform with a familiar clank. They didn't stop for anything and immediately headed for the elevator. They reached it in no time and impatiently waited for the car to arrive to take them to level 19.

Once they reached level 19 they headed down the hall towards the infirmary. They saw Daniel, Teal'c and even General Hammond waiting outside the room. Everyone was very worried.

"Any news?" Spoke Jacob before anyone else could say a word.

No one responded verbally but indicated that they had not heard anything since O'Neill had left to fetch Jacob.

There was a heavy sigh as Jacob moved over to the wall and leaned up against it. He was really not in the mood to talk. He wanted to know how his little girl was doing. 

They will be fine. Samantha is strong. Selmak said trying to sooth his host.

I hope your right Sel. He responded quietly looking at the door. _I hope your right._

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Time passed slowly and Jacob would alternate between periods of pacing and leaning up against the wall. He was in his pacing mode at the moment. It had been 3 hours since he had arrived at the SGC and they still hadn't heard anything about how Sam was doing.

The small group had gone back and forth with only a little conversation about trivial things but after a few minutes it would just turn to silence. Finally after one till 'break' Selmak decided to chime in.

_What will become of the child._ Selmak said trying to make it sound and innocent as possible.

_What do you mean 'what will become of it?' She is my granddaughter and Sam will take care of her._ Jacob responded slightly irritated.

But she is Harcesis.

SO! Jacob retorted. _I don't care. The baby needs to stay with her mom._  


__

It is too dangerous Jacob. You know that. If the child were to fall into the hands of the Goa'uld the Tok'ra would be finished. She will have all the knowledge of both Lantash and Jolinar. Selmak said trying to reason with Jacob.

Suddenly, as if intentionally cutting the argument off there, the doors to the infirmary opened. And Fraiser walked out smiling. "It's a girl."

There was a yell of excitement coming from everyone in the hall. Jacob struggled to hold back tears as he tried to peer into the room. "Can I see her."  


Janet smiled warmly and made way for him to pass. "Of course."

Jacob hurried to the door quickly, though not quite running. Peeking in he whispered. "Sam, honey. Can I come in?"

Sam looked up from the little bundle in her arms at her father and smiled. "Of course dad."

Jacob moved closer to the bed and peered down at the baby in Sam's arms. 

"Dad. I would like you to meet Kayla Martine Carter." She said with a smile, her eyes were starting to tear. "Want to hold her?"

Jacob nodded and pulled the baby into his arms. She was perfect. A beautiful little baby without a care in the world. 

There was a knock at the door and O'Neill peeked his head in. "Can we come in for a minute?"  


Sam nodded and O'Neill, Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond all entered the room quietly. 

Daniel was the first to speak up. "Congratulations Sam." He smiled. "How are you doing?"

Sam sighed and looked at him. "Better."

The small group stood there talking for a few minutes with lots of congratulations being said to both Sam and Jacob. Kayla was passed around to the various members of the party until she was finally handed back to Sam.

"Thank you guys. For everything."  


There was a myriad of responses from those in the room then Dr. Fraiser came in. "Now it is time for mother and child to rest. You guys can come back and see her later."  


Everyone said some final congratulations to Sam and left the room. O'Neill and Jacob were the last to leave. O'Neill said he would check back in a few hours. He began walking down the hall to who knows where when he got a call from behind. It was Jacob.

"Colonel."

O'Neill stopped and turned to face the General. "Yes, sir."

"I just wanted to say thank-you for looking after my daughter."

"I was just doing what you asked..."

Jacob cut him off with the wave of his hand. "NO. I know you truly care for Sam and the baby. Thank-you. I couldn't ask for a better person to take care of them when I can't."  


With that Jacob took off down the hall. O'Neill just stood there thinking for a moment. Then a smile came over his face. Things would work out just fine and he continued on his way.

The End


End file.
